"My brain is like a photographer’s dark room; the only thing I develop is negative."
Towards the end of my drinking I was as much addicted to negative thinking as I was drugs and alcohol. Alcoholism robbed me of hope, took away possibilities of happiness, and the only snapshots of the future I could see were dark and blurry. As I descended further into the abyss, I was convinced that things weren’t ever going to get better, and somewhere deep inside I had given up. When I finally got some help, my sponsor told me I had reached my bottom.
When I began to recover by working the Steps, I learned that alcoholism is a disease. At first I didn’t believe that – instead I thought I was just weak willed. But after listening to hundreds of other alcoholics share the same dark fears and feelings that I had, I realized the common characteristics of alcoholism: self-loathing, negative thinking and utter defeat. To recover from this seemingly hopeless state of mind, my sponsor told me I needed to work the Steps and experience the spiritual transformation that God would make possible.
While I didn’t believe that would happen for me, I am grateful to report that it did. Today I have a different, more positive voice inside that comes from my true self, from the child of God that I actually am. Recovery has returned the hope and happiness that I believe God wants for me, and today I experience those feelings by doing what God wants me to do – help other alcoholics recover and discover His light.
Today in the darkroom of my mind, I develop some beautiful images and pictures of a life that is happy, joyous and free.