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"I’ll never be alright until it’s all alright now."

I’ve always lived waiting for some future time or event to make me happy.  “When I meet ‘her’ then I’ll be happy.”  “As soon as I make enough money, then I’ll be alright.”  “When I finally pay off my house, then I’ll feel secure.”  Happiness, security, feeling alright was always tied to something I didn’t have right now – and that meant that in the present I was always irritable, restless or discontented.  It was no wonder that I drank and used all the time.

In recovery, I learned a whole new way to live, and I was given tools to help me be present.  “One day at a time,” was a huge help as I despaired at remaining sober forever.  When I started worrying about not having enough money or health or companionship next month or next year, my sponsor would ask me if I had everything I needed right now.  As we went through it, I admitted I had a roof over my head, money in my pocket, food to eat and a whole fellowship to draw support from.  These and other tools helped me to stay present and appreciate that right now, I was alright.

I once read a saying by Pascal that really resonated with me: “All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.”  And that’s when I finally understood it all.  Being able to be comfortable in my own skin regardless of what’s going on is the path to the happiness, security and contentment I always sought in some future event.  The miracle is that this feeling is available to me right now, right here.  In fact, I already have it.

Through working the Steps, I have discovered how to be alright, right now. 


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